LiederWynd

My 21st birthday was royally horrible by all standards. I nearly flunked a final for my computer science class, and my best friend and college sweetheart was whisked off to the emergency room again. In an effort to make it a teeny bit better, I went with another friend to Buffalo Wild Wings and had some fluffy lemonade mixer thing. I was not impressed. A year later, the person who would later destroy everything took me uptown and introduced me to the amaretto sour. They later bought me so many drinks at their restaurant in NYC that I had to stop twice on the way back to their apartment, once at the McDonalds in Chinatown and the other time at Atlantic Avenue. So I never drank unless invited to. While in Washington D.C. with choir friends, we got so drunk on tequila sunrises and wine that the hotel staff called us twice. A silver fox of a gay man once bought me a drink because, in his words, I was "just having so much fun." During November I sip Disaronno straight from the...

I've been kind of in a depressive state for a while now. Now, when I say "depressive state," I don't mean I have clinical depression, or that I hate myself and that I think I should go die. This is not a post about suicide or self-harm. While my brain seems to much prefer the tantalizing despair of anxiety, depression is not something I normally deal with...but every once in a blue moon, I'll get depressed in the same way as someone with depression would (read: Mikkun). The hopelessness, the numbness, the tired and unable to wake up in the morning -- all are present in these for me. I've checked with people about this, and incidents of this are fine as long as: The depression has a clear starting point -- something bad has happened that seems really hopeless, usually leading into another thing and another thing that just aren't going right in my world.  I'm aware of the depression. My support system may be lacking or might not know about the tro...

Tonight I have a story to tell, but it must be told in fragments, with ripped out pages where the rest of the story should be. Why? Well...to be honest, the story behind this post is not one I should tell. To anyone. It is a story that, to this day, very few people even know exist. And for my own security, I would like to keep it that way. Rest assured that I did not do anything illegal, and what happened more regards my relationship with God and the way I used to see it than any actual physical act committed by myself. In fact, thinking back, I didn't actually do anything physical. But the telling of this story is still important, and you'll see why in just a moment. -- We are humans. When we see something that glitters, we want to chase after it. It's often in the act of chasing that we forget about God, running far away from God looking for a beautiful butterfly, or a lightning bug at night. And when we finally catch that thing that we longed for so much, we turn...

I'm no longer on vacation, but I still got up 'early' and went for a walk this morning. I had planned out the route the night before, trying to see how long it would take me to go around. There's a walking path with an entrance near my apartment complex, and it winds through all of the interconnected Dublin trails. I went out to the middle school, through a residential neighborhood, which was kind of the weird part but I kept going. I figured the masses were used to the trail being that close to their houses. Then it went south again through a massive canopy before reconnecting to my usual trail circle near the lake. It took me about 20 minutes to go around the entire thing this morning. As it will probably rain tomorrow afternoon, hopefully I can do it twice tomorrow before I go to work. No music, no huge distractions, just me, Jesus, and a little PoGo. -- During my break at work I sat and wondered. What do I want? What is success to me? I always thought I kn...