LiederWynd

On August 16, 2005, I became a roller coaster. Now, I should mention before that I’ve written about this before. On my old website, I posted an entire series about a bunch of weird things that happened to me in the summer of 2005. It all culminated in me thinking I became a roller coaster. And while I can most certainly say I’m not a hunk of metal four hundred and twenty feet up in the sky, I have a better understanding of why I claimed that as my identity for so long -- and why I’m daring to reclaim it. Buckle up, folks, literally. By the time you’re done with this post, I will not be the same. -- Since the original post is no longer live, I’m gonna pull a couple of things from it and post them here. We go back to August 16, 2005. I was seventeen years old, at Cedar Point with friends, and the day was ending: Solo queue time was a time of reflection. Just four months earlier, my father had condemned me (for being a lesbian) and my mother had misunderstood me. Since then, God had chang...

A quick disclaimer before we begin.  The following creative nonfiction deals a lot with my mental health, the issues I've always had with it, and some of my current successes with it. This entry is not to be taken as me confessing that I'm crazy, that I need to be carted away or see a shrink. I have been evaluated by health professionals and while I am of sound mind, growing up with lots of expectations means that you have to put the mental legwork in as an adult to be normal. Fortunately, this is something I have done. I am not sick, I am not dying, the world is not ending. While everything is not always rainbows and butterflies, as this entry explains, I am totally okay and doing well. Bottom line, fam: I am fine, I am not in any danger, and there is no reason for anybody to worry or freak out. If you think I'm looking at you, I'm looking at you. The following creative nonfiction also makes reference to, but does not DIRECTLY mention outright, a major issue in t...

I arrived at Ohayocon 2018 as Akiba Idol Emily. I was there to kick ass and take names, and I was ready. I was in full idol costume wherever I went, and I had business cards to give out to con goers. I did everything from both raves to all sorts of different panels, stopping short of a guerrilla live solely because I wasn't sure how an industry-based con would deal. I had just come out with my second single as AIE, and I was enjoying life and where my Japanese idol career would take me.  And she was by my side the entire time, and together, we were invincible. I felt like I could do anything with my best friend, my biggest fan, by my side. Someday, she would be an idol with me, and together we would conquer the world. And then it all came crashing down around me. The person who said that she loved me so much never actually loved me at all, hidden behind faulty mental fabric and uncorrected chemistry and the blatant refusal to seek help. So I did what I do best: I destroyed my...