LiederWynd

I arrived at Ohayocon 2018 as Akiba Idol Emily. I was there to kick ass and take names, and I was ready. I was in full idol costume wherever I went, and I had business cards to give out to con goers. I did everything from both raves to all sorts of different panels, stopping short of a guerrilla live solely because I wasn't sure how an industry-based con would deal. I had just come out with my second single as AIE, and I was enjoying life and where my Japanese idol career would take me.  And she was by my side the entire time, and together, we were invincible. I felt like I could do anything with my best friend, my biggest fan, by my side. Someday, she would be an idol with me, and together we would conquer the world. And then it all came crashing down around me. The person who said that she loved me so much never actually loved me at all, hidden behind faulty mental fabric and uncorrected chemistry and the blatant refusal to seek help. So I did what I do best: I destroyed my...

My 21st birthday was royally horrible by all standards. I nearly flunked a final for my computer science class, and my best friend and college sweetheart was whisked off to the emergency room again. In an effort to make it a teeny bit better, I went with another friend to Buffalo Wild Wings and had some fluffy lemonade mixer thing. I was not impressed. A year later, the person who would later destroy everything took me uptown and introduced me to the amaretto sour. They later bought me so many drinks at their restaurant in NYC that I had to stop twice on the way back to their apartment, once at the McDonalds in Chinatown and the other time at Atlantic Avenue. So I never drank unless invited to. While in Washington D.C. with choir friends, we got so drunk on tequila sunrises and wine that the hotel staff called us twice. A silver fox of a gay man once bought me a drink because, in his words, I was "just having so much fun." During November I sip Disaronno straight from the...

I've been kind of in a depressive state for a while now. Now, when I say "depressive state," I don't mean I have clinical depression, or that I hate myself and that I think I should go die. This is not a post about suicide or self-harm. While my brain seems to much prefer the tantalizing despair of anxiety, depression is not something I normally deal with...but every once in a blue moon, I'll get depressed in the same way as someone with depression would (read: Mikkun). The hopelessness, the numbness, the tired and unable to wake up in the morning -- all are present in these for me. I've checked with people about this, and incidents of this are fine as long as: The depression has a clear starting point -- something bad has happened that seems really hopeless, usually leading into another thing and another thing that just aren't going right in my world.  I'm aware of the depression. My support system may be lacking or might not know about the tro...

All right, all right! I totally forgot I was supposed to post this on the 5th, but I'm only one day late and I spent last night hanging with my partner and CATS. The point is that I'm doing it still. I started my Generator Card collection -- properly, this time. I had a few before, but not a binder to put them in. For those not in the know, Generator Cards are from Sound Voltex, you can get them printed off at Round One locations when you play Voltex, and it's a very physical reminder of how much I love Bemani. Even if I'm not the biggest Voltex fan (I have a bunch of the Grafica cards). I got hit! Normally getting rear-ended wouldn't go on a list like this, but what's important about it is that I'm proud of how I handled it. I didn't freak out, I used my head, and I'm now being smart as far as getting my car fixed and adulting. It's a huge confidence booster and it's increased my own trust of myself.  I played something other than a son...